Counselling for Relationships

“And stand together, yet not too near together: 

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” Kahlil Gibran (2012).

What are Relationships and Relationship Types

The Oxford English Dictionary refers to a relationship as being, “The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.” This description is less specific on the type of relationship but focuses on the way in which or the state of the connection of two or more people or things. When it comes to relationship counselling it is often thought to be for difficulties you are experiencing in your intimate relationships such as with your partner, husband or wife. However, it may include the relationship with your mother, father or sibling/s, other family or blended family members, colleagues or manager/s at work, friends, neighbours or any relationship where there is a need or desire to get along with each other. There may be different contexts to a relationship but often the root of the problems are similar regardless of the type of relationship such as:

Does each person have the same goal in mind? Do you have similar expectations of what is expected of your self and another? Do you feel able to raise and communicate differences and work to resolve them in a kind and healthy way? Are you able to receive and listen to difficult information from another? Do your beliefs, morals and values align…..well enough? Do you feel safe and able to trust others with your physical and emotional wellbeing?

You are 100% responsible for how you show up in any relationship but you are only 50% responsible for the outcome of that relationship. It is not about being perfect it is about showing up “good enough” for each party to feel physically and emotionally safe for any relationship to survive. If this is something that you are struggling with then counselling could be helpful.

Symptoms of Relationship Problems

When we feel a disharmony about something or our fight flight response system is triggered, this can affect our nervous system. This may feel like anything from butterflies in your stomach to a shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, headaches or nausea, shaking or trembling or panic attacks as well as other symptom's. It is perfectly normal to experience emotional shifts when something may upset you, but if you want the relationship to work or if you need to stay in an environment where you frequently feel this way such as at home, work or in friendship groups etc, this can become stressful, frustrating or upsetting. Overtime, this can cause a number of psychological and physical problems such as anxiety, stress, low mood, difficulty making decisions, anger, as well as feeling a need to pull away, feeling disconnected or needing the opposite of seeking constant reassurance and excessive worrying.

Relationship Counselling

Conflict and differences do not have to be a bad thing, it can mean something matters enough to be raised. Relationship counselling provides a safe and impartial space for problems to be discussed whether as a couple or as an individual, where you may not currently feel that you have that emotionally or physically safe space to do so. It can help you learn a new way of raising and resolving differences or it may not be possible as Kahlil Gibran states above in his poem on marriage, and instead sometimes two trees that once stood side by side sharing the nutrients of their environment may no longer be able to live without being in each other's shadow, and it may be healthier for both to go their separate ways.